


Saving Me

by Jencala



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Azkaban, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Canon Compliant, Delusions, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, M/M, Male Slash, Prison, R/S Games 2017, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-19 05:53:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12404373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jencala/pseuds/Jencala
Summary: R/S Games 2017 - Day 17 - Team Sirius"I don’t have much to do here other than think about things; what I think about the most is you.  It’s always been you, Moony. What a twist on those stories, huh? I fell in love with the big, bad wolf. No princes here, just two bloody fools who couldn’t save each other.”





	Saving Me

**Author's Note:**

> **Team:** Sirius  
>  **Title:** Saving Me  
>  **Rating:** Explicit  
>  **Warnings:** Explicit Sex, Prison, Delusions  
>  **Genres:** Angst, Smut, Canon  
>  **Word Count:** 5600  
>  **Summary:** "I don’t have much to do here other than think about things; what I think about the most is you. It’s always been you, Moony. What a twist on those stories, huh? I fell in love with the big, bad wolf. No princes here, just two bloody fools who couldn’t save each other.”  
>  **Notes:** Special thanks to my fabulous beta, Shayalonnie, who makes everything I write infinitely better.  
>  **Prompt:** #2 - "Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale." - Unknown

The tiny window at the top of his cell was just enough to let him see the bright visage of the moon.  At this stage of the lunar cycle, it was almost full but not quite.  He looked at the rough tallies he had scratched into the stone with his own fingernails, leaving them raw, ragged, and bloodied; it was no less than he felt he deserved.

One hundred forty.  

He looked back at the moon and felt his heart clench; the constant gnawing in his stomach deepened—this time not from his constant hunger.  The guilt roiled in his gut at not being there for _him_ again.  One hundred and forty full moons he had not been there for his Moony. Twelve long years and one hundred forty moons he had counted, dreaded, and yearned to be there—to keep him company, to care for him, to stop the wolf from ravaging in his misery and self-hatred.  Not that Remus would let him near him if he was able to regardless.

“I wouldn’t.  At least you’re right about _that_.”

Sirius turned to face the deep, rumbling voice he remembered so well.  He tried to swallow against the lump in his throat but found he couldn’t as he took in the tall, slim form of Remus Lupin.  

Sirius knew that the man standing in front of him was just a hallucination—a product of his desperate, and obviously Azkaban-riddled mind. He just didn’t care.  

“ _Moony . . ._ ”  he croaked.

"Hello, Pads." Curly, golden hair framed Remus's face, angelic in appearance despite being riddled with scars. Frozen in time at twenty-one, Sirius saw him exactly as he existed in his memories, as though no time at all had passed.

“I miss you . . . so much,”  Sirius whispered.

Remus smiled softly.  “I know you do.  I wish I could say the same thing.”

“You think I’m guilty.  That I killed James.  And Lily.  And Wormtail.” Sirius hung his head, resigned to the fact he couldn’t convince Remus of his innocence,

Remus quirked an eyebrow.  “Well, the real me probably does.  I’m just in your head, though.  So no, I don’t think you’re guilty.  I _know_ you wouldn’t hurt them.”

Sirius reached out a bony hand, trying to touch him. A dry sob escaped his chapped lips when his fingers went right through Remus's  arm.  “Merlin, I wish I could touch you.  Just once more.”

Remus sat down next to him on the cold stone floor, facing him and taking in his emaciated, dirty frame clad in prison rags.  “Oh Pads, look at you.”

“Not so pretty anymore, am I?” Sirius huffed a humourless laugh, trying to run a hand through his tangled, grimy hair; it was down past his shoulders.  “Do you remember the stories you used to tell me?”

“Which ones?  There were so many.”

“The Muggle fairy tales. You used to laugh at how I would get them all mixed up.”

Remus snorted. “Oh yes, of course.  I remember trying to explain to you that Cinderella wasn’t trying to eat the poisoned apple to get away from the wicked stepmother and that Snow White’s dwarves weren’t really house-elves.  You used to always try to convince me they were about wizards.”

Sirius felt his chest constrict at the memory. “I was thinking more about the Rapunzel story.  Wasn’t she the one with the long hair who let it down the tower so her prince could save her?”

“Well, Pads your hair isn’t quite long enough to let down the window for me to climb up, even if I could," Remus said with a throaty chuckle, but then his tone turned cool and clipped as he added, "Even if the real me even _wanted_ to.  I'm assuming I’m the prince in your story?”

“You’ve _always_ been the prince in my story, Moony.” Sirius couldn’t help but turn to face him again.  He took in the bright green eyes, flecked with gold that he knew turned amber when the full moon approached or when Remus's emotions ran high. “My life was never a fairy tale.   _We_ were never a fairy tale.  Merlin, we were happy for a while though, weren’t we?”  

Even in the silence that he was met with, Sirius couldn’t stop his wistful rambling. “I know at the end it was . . . bad. I ruined things by not trusting you. I should have trusted you above everyone else.  I was so stupid.  I let _Wormtail_ twist things until I thought _you_ were the traitor, and now . . . now you think it was me.  I don’t have much to do here other than think about things; what I think about the most is you.  It’s always been you, Moony. What a twist on those stories, huh? I fell in love with the big, bad wolf. No princes here, just two bloody fools who couldn’t save each other.” 

Sirius stared at him, watching as Remus held his gaze through his long diatribe.

Turning to the window once again, Sirius looked back up at the moon.  “Who’s saving _you_ now, Moony?  Are you all alone?  Did you find someone to love you and help you?”

“I can’t answer that.”

Sirius was silent for a while, his thoughts a jumble knowing that the Remus next to him wasn’t real. Despite years of trying to not lose his mind in this hell of a prison, he fervently hoped he would remain delusional in this moment for as long as he could.  He would endure anything just to hold on to the memory of the love of his life.

“I just miss you.  I wish I could see you again.”

“Raving lunatic now, are we, Black?”

Sirius startled at the different voice, cutting through his fantasy.  Instead of Remus, he saw a portly man in a bowler hat standing just outside his cell.  The softness and warmth in Sirius' features when thinking of Remus twisted into a bitter scowl as he looked at Cornelius Fudge. "Good evening, Minister."

Fudge’s eyebrows practically disappeared beyond his non-existent hairline and into his hat. “I see your brain isn’t _completely_ addled yet, Black.”

“Not yet, though I’m sure there’s still hope," Sirius quipped. “What brings you to our fine establishment this night?”

Fudge hesitated but apparently deemed having a conversation with him a safe enough prospect, being behind bars and all. “Just Ministry business.  Nothing too exciting to speak of.”

“Ah, the ever illustrious Ministry.  You must be so proud of all you’ve accomplished, Minister.” Sirius drawled, sarcasm dripping from his every word, but Fudge was too thick to actually catch it.

The little man puffed out his chest. “Of course I am!  The Wizarding world is running smoothly, and people like you are locked up where you belong.  I’m _quite_ proud.”

Sirius bit back his retort when a photograph on the paper Fudge was holding caught his eye.  He felt a moment of panic.  Seeing visions of Remus was one thing; he was used to his mind providing the relief it needed in conjuring the one person he wanted to see more than any other.  Were his wits truly gone now?  Was he imagining Wormtail as well?

“A-As you _should_ be, Minister.  Say, you wouldn’t let me take a look at that paper, would you? It does get rather dull here with my limited reading material.”

Fudge looked confused for a moment as though Sirius was joking with him.  He looked down at the newspaper he held and seemed to mull it over before deciding that there was no harm in granting the small request.  “Well, I suppose there’s no reason not to let you have it, Black. Here you go.”

Sirius practically tore the newspaper from Fudge’s hand when he slid it through the bars, causing the man to jump back.  “Thank you, Minister.”

Fudge stared at Sirius as if he was a Muggle circus sideshow act for a few moments before informing him that he had pressing business to attend to.

Sirius turned immediately back to the paper in his hands, barely registering the other man’s words as he left.  He held the _Daily Prophet_ as if it was a veritable treasure; it was the first reading material he had seen in years.  There, on the second page the minister had the paper folded to, was a picture of a vaguely familiar family.  Proud parents stood in the middle of a gaggle of ginger children, all waving in front of an Egyptian pyramid.  

Though his mind eventually registered it was Arthur and Molly Weasley whom he had known through the Order so many years ago, it was the _rat_ on the youngest boy’s shoulder that captured Sirius's attention.

His eyes narrowed, and his breath caught as he counted the rat’s toes, clearly visible in the picture.  

One was missing.  

“Buggering hell!”  

Rage coursed through his body, his thoughts whirling.   _Wormtail’s alive.  The little bugger is still alive!_ As he read through the article, his fury intensified.  The boy in the picture, Ron Weasley, would be heading back to Hogwarts—presumably with his pet rat—straight to Harry.

Sirius's godson was in terrible danger, and there had to be a way to warn him, to help Harry, _and_ get his revenge on Wormtail.

He threw the paper down and began to pace his cell.  He didn’t know how or why, but Peter Pettigrew, the reason he was in Azkaban and Lily and James were dead, was with the Weasley family.  Sirius just _knew_ it was him.  He had to get to him somehow.  

Wormtail had to pay for his betrayal.  

And Sirius would be the one to make him pay— _finally_.

His mind finally clearing, he sensed the cold from the approaching dementors and unconsciously shifted to Padfoot.  They never bothered him in his Animagus form, and it had become instinct to retreat into it whenever he felt them near.  

Thoughts became simpler as a dog, and he suddenly struck upon the answer:   _Sirius_ couldn’t escape from his prison, but _Padfoot_ could.  

He waited until the Dementors passed, the screams of other prisoners ringing in his ears more acutely through his canine hearing. He ignored them to slide his emaciated form through the cell bars.  He supposed there was some merit now to the fact that prisoners were never fed enough.

Padfoot made his way through the labyrinth of corridors, ignoring the calls and sights of the other prisoners along his way, and he used his sense of smell to lead him to where he caught a whiff of the sea the strongest.  He found himself entering what looked to be a small office, most likely used by some of the human guards.  It was, thankfully, empty—luck on his side for once.  

The window at the back of the office was much larger than the tiny one at the top of his cell and though fitted with bars, was open and he could easily slip through them in his canine guise.  He did just that and found himself perched precariously on a wide ledge overlooking the dark, churning, sea about 50 meters below him.  

Sirius knew his chances were slim; it was a long way down and an even longer distance to swim to shore in a violent sea.  But what choice did he have?  Spend the rest of his days in a prison while the person who killed his family tried to finish the job with his godson or take a chance and try to help in whatever way he could?  

There was no prince coming to save him from his tower.  

It was up to Sirius to save himself.

Padfoot took a deep breath and jumped.

The moment he hit the water, it felt as if a thousand frozen needles were trying to pierce his skin.  The chill was excruciating, but he fought his way to the surface, gasping for breath.  After taking a moment to get his bearings, he started paddling his way in the direction he presumed the shoreline was.

It felt like hours, but it could have been mere minutes in his diminished state.  He swam as hard as he could, but he could feel his limbs losing what little strength they had.  His magic not strong enough to keep his canine form, he shifted back to human, fighting against the waves as fatigue drained every muscle in his body.  He tried to focus on getting to shore, to _Harry_ , but his thoughts kept drifting to Remus.  

“ _C’mon Sirius, we’re going to be late!”_

_Sirius walked down with a smirk on his face as he looked Remus over, appreciating the dark corduroys and white button-down shirt he was wearing._

“ _Moony, I am never late.  Everyone else is always early.”_

_Remus rolled his eyes, but Sirius could see the smile quirking the corner of his lips.  He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist, pulling him close and nuzzling against his collarbone._

_Remus let out a soft grunt. “Pads, we don’t have time for this.”_

_He heard Remus’ breath hitch as several kisses were pressed to his throat and the soft spot behind his ear was nipped.  “Are you sure?”  Sirius murmured against his skin._

_He felt Remus take a deep breath as he pulled back slightly. “It’s our Graduation, Pads.  Everyone is already down by the lake, and if we’re late, they’ll know what we were doing. They’ll also know it’s_ your _fault. “_

_Sirius pressed his lips to Remus’ in a quick kiss.  “Fine, but tonight when it’s us all alone in our flat, I’m ravishing you.”_

_Remus laughed while tugging Sirius out of the portrait hole. “You won’t hear any complaints from me.”_

Sirius struggled against the rolling waves and the memories of happier times.  He slipped below the water once, but fought his way back up and managed to keep swimming.

The water felt glacial, and it was sheer will that kept him moving.  He thought he could make out a light in the distance that had to be coming from shore, so he spurred his aching muscles to move faster.  

Just as he was able to propel himself through the water, a large wave broke over his head dragging him under.

“ _Sirius Black, you heathen! Let go of me at once!”_

“ _Minnie, my love, how could I leave the hallowed halls of Hogwarts without granting your one true wish in life. I'm offering you the bliss of knowing that your love was not unrequited after all this time!” Sirius declared, his arms wrapped around Professor McGonagall as he dipped her low to the ground at the edge of the Great Hall._

“ _Mr Black, if you do not set me right at once, I will revoke your diploma," she threatened, though he could see a hint of amusement in her eyes._

_Sirius set her back on her feet, giving her a roguish wink. “Aw, Minnie, I knew you didn’t want me to leave school where you could keep an eye on my fabulous form, but to not let me graduate?  Tut, tut, whatever would Dumbledore think?”_

“ _I suppose I would think you had managed to forget to turn a Transfiguration essay in on time, Mr Black.”_

_Sirius spun around to see Dumbledore, very evidently amused, standing directly behind him and his friends, who were doing their best to restrain their laughter._

“ _Uh . . . you see, Professor, I was merely, uh . . .”_

_McGonagall took pity on Sirius.  “Headmaster, Mr Black was simply indulging in his own version of maudlin farewells.”_

_The headmaster’s eyes twinkled behind his spectacles, and he smiled at Sirius and his friends who were still trying to contain their mirth.  “I would not consider this an end, but merely a transition to another adventure,”  he said as he pulled several small scrolls of parchment from his robes, handing one each to Sirius, Remus, James, Lily, and Peter. “I think you will find useful information in this parchment if you choose to use it.  Remember, the choice is yours.”_

_With this cryptic message, Dumbledore turned, offered Professor McGonagall his arm, and both walked away to mingle with the other students and families who were there to celebrate._

_Sirius turned to Remus and James excitedly.  “Is this what I think it is?”_

_All five friends unrolled their scrolls quickly; the same message was on each scroll:_ The Order of the Phoenix is located at Askerton Castle, Cumbria.  

_As they finished reading, each piece of parchment burst into flames and disappeared._

_They all looked at each other in amazement, not realising that this was the moment that would change their lives irrevocably, for better and worse._

Sirius tried to claw his way to the surface, but every crashing wave seemed to push him further under.  After what felt like an eternity, his head finally broke through the tumultuous water.  He sucked in a desperate lungful of air, flailing to gain purchase and stay afloat, just as the surge of another white capped swell dragged him under once again.

“ _It’s our last time at Hogwarts, Sirius. You can’t leave yet!” James cried indignantly, punching him in the arm._

_Sirius huffed in exasperation and pulled James closer by his graduation robes. “Listen, Jamie, I’ve already said goodbye to all of our friends, I’ve talked to Mum and Dad—who, I shall remind you, we’ll be having dinner with on Sunday lest you forget—I’ve drunk the punch and danced more times than I can count. Can I please just go to my new flat and shag my gorgeous boyfriend now?”_

_James pushed Sirius back with a laugh. “Uh, you tosser!  Can’t you control your hormones for a little longer?”_

_Sirius turned James by the shoulders to face where Remus and Lily were talking to a few friends from their Arithmancy class. “Do you see that handsome fellow over there looking all shaggable?”  James rolled his eyes.  “I get to take him to our new flat today and finally have my wicked way with him. So yes, I’m leaving, and no, I_ can’t _control my sodding hormones much longer.”_

_He pulled James into a hug, told him he’d see him the next day, and walked over to Remus, extricating him from the conversation with a hasty “Well, we have to be going now!” before dragging him toward the front doors of the Great Hall._

_Remus laughed as Sirius pulled him along. It was lucky for Sirius that his boyfriend's amusement over his impatience to get him alone outweighed the embarrassment of leaving the Graduation party early in such an obvious way._

_They ran through the deserted halls of the school they had lived in and learned to love each other in for the last seven years, stopping periodically to steal kisses, heady with laughter and freedom finally upon them.  Arriving at the room that had been set up for Floo travel for the visiting families, they tried to stifle their snickers when they came upon Filch who was guarding the fireplace._

_The boys tried, but failed, to remain serious while Filch questioned their early departure, but they were thankfully able to leave quickly and with little argument from the caretaker, who was more than likely very eager to finally be rid of the Marauders._

Panic had Sirius’ heart hammering against his ribs as he tried to claw his way back to the surface, his head finally breaking through the waves again.  He barely managed a quick breath of cold air before he was sucked back down into the murky depths.

_They arrived through the Floo in their new sitting room, one after the other, wiping off the soot from their travel and casting shy smiles at each other.  Now that they were actually alone and in their new home, nerves seemed to have taken over._

“ _You missed a spot.”  Remus pointed at a smudge of soot on Sirius’ cheek.  When Sirius missed in an attempt to remove it, Remus reached over and brushed it off with his thumb, and their gazes locked._

_Sirius’ breath hitched at the touch. He reveled in the mirrored longing in Remus' mesmerising eyes.  Sirius wrapped his arms around him and pulled Remus close, resting their foreheads together.  “Why are we so nervous now?”_

_Remus ran his hands up and down Sirius’ spine. “Because we know where this is headed?” he whispered.  “Because we’ve waited so long and now . . . fuck, I don’t know.”_

_Sirius smiled and pressed a soft kiss to Remus’ lips. “My ever-eloquent Moony not having the proper words for once?  For shame, sir. I am vastly disappointed in you._  

“ _Sod off.” Remus chuckled._

_Sirius pulled back and took Remus’ hands in his. “C’mon.”  He walked backward through the living area and down the short hallway toward their bedroom._

_He was glad he had had the foresight to hire a decorator to come and furnish their flat despite Remus’ protests that it was a waste of money.  His uncle had left him a sizable fortune, and if Sirius wanted to spend some of Alphard’s money on making sure their first home together was comfortable and ready to live in right away, he thought it was money well spent.  Hell, who was he kidding?  He just wanted the luxury of being able to shag Remus every which way ‘til Sunday without having to worry about unpacking or getting settled in first._

_Sirius stopped in the center of their new bedroom and pulled Remus close again, capturing his lips in a soft kiss. “It’s just us now, Moony,” he spoke against Remus’ mouth, slanting kisses between the words. “What_ ever _shall we do?”_

Darkness enveloped him, his head pounding. Every cell in his body screamed for oxygen.  Red and white splotches danced before his eyes, and he couldn’t even tell if they were open or closed. Sirius felt the cold as a living thing, curling its icy fingers into his body and freezing his very blood.  Even his hair felt chilled and heavy.  He had a fleeting ironic thought of the Rapunzel story; the very thing that saved _her_ was just another dead weight for him, dragging him down to his death.

 _Words were forsaken as Remus returned the kisses with fervour, heat and desire sparking between them.  Clothes were quickly shed, slung about the room in their haste to feel skin on skin.  They found themselves lying on the bed, naked, hands roaming over each other, open-mouthed kisses pressed to the other’s body, not being able to be close enough, to_ feel _enough._

_Sirius rocked his hips against Remus’, eliciting a moan from him as their cocks pressed together._

“ _Fuck . . .” Remus groaned against his neck._

“ _That’s the idea, Moony.” Sirius huffed, latching onto the soft skin at the juncture of Remus’ neck and shoulder, teasing it with his teeth and tongue._

“ _I want you, Pads. So much.”_

_Sirius pulled back to look into Remus’ eyes, now fully amber, the pupils blown wide with lust.  Merlin, he was beautiful.  “Then take me, Moony.  I’m yours.”_

_Their mouths met again in a desperate kiss, tongues caressing and stroking, pulling breath from each other.  He saw Remus wordlessly summon his wand from across the room where it lay on the floor.  Moments later, he felt the words of the lubricating spell mouthed against his lips; the sensation of cool gel slicking his passage made him shiver._

_Sirius spread his legs as Remus gently prodded his entrance with a finger.  As he worked his way inside, Sirius bucked into Remus’ hand, the sensation making his already-hard cock impossibly harder._

“ _Alright?” Remus asked softly._

_Sirius bit his lip on a moan and nodded. “More.”_

_Remus obliged, inserting another finger, carefully stretching him. They had talked endlessly about this, and Sirius knew that Remus had books hidden around somewhere too, so he wasn't exactly shocked when Remus's fingers found something inside of him that sent a surge of pleasure through his body. He made a whimpering noise when Remus stroked that same spot until Sirius's back arched almost completely off the bed. He let out a guttural moan, his hands seeking purchase on the sheets beneath him._

“ _Remus . . ._ please _,” Sirius groaned. “Fuck me._ Now _.”_

_He watched as Remus quickly replaced his fingers with the head of his leaking cock, his eyes hooded in pleasure.  He pushed in slowly, and Sirius couldn’t tear his eyes away from his face even as the sensations of Remus being inside of him threatened to overwhelm.  Remus' face was strained with concentration. Sirius could see that he was struggling to be gentle for his sake, even though they both knew that the wolf inside wanted to slam into him, to take, to make Sirius his. It was evident in his eyes. He'd never looked more beautiful._

_Fully sheathed inside, Remus stilled. Sirius took the time to adjust to the thick length stretching him.  Remus bent forward, their lips meeting in a kiss both too soft and too sweet for the fire that was raging in their blood.  Sirius couldn’t help but marvel at the love he felt for this man above him, inside him, all around him._

_They had waited so long—_ too long, _he often thought—to finally properly have sex, but it always seemed like there was never enough privacy or time.  They had sneaked off to snog outside the greenhouses, got each other off in broom cupboards, or even fool around behind the closed curtains of each other’s beds with a well-placed Silencing Charm, but they had agreed to save_ this _for when they could finally be alone with no rush._

_Sirius knew it made him sound like a sodding girl, but he wanted his first time with Moony to be special; a hasty shag with their roommates snoring in the beds over just didn’t cut it._

_Remus finally began to move, slowly pulling almost completely out of Sirius’ passage before pushing back inside._

_Wrapping his legs around Remus' back, Sirius' heels dug into his arse to urge him deeper, faster, harder.  Remus complied with the unspoken request, snapping his hips at a frantic pace as Sirius rocked into him with each thrust.  Remus changed his angle, and Sirius could swear he saw stars behind his eyelids as each new thrust of his lover’s cock brushed his prostate._

_He wrenched his eyes open to look up at Remus, grunting with each movement of his pelvis, his lip caught between his teeth, sweat dripping down his brow and onto his neck.  Sirius was overwhelmed with the urge to taste it.  He surged up, gripping Remus’ back with one hand while the other tangled in the soft, damp curls at the base of his neck, and he licked a trail up the taut cordons of Remus’ throat, the salty tang of his sweat like honey on his tongue._

With a last burst of energy, Sirius propelled himself towards where he thought the surface was, but it was no use; his sense of direction was gone as the icy tendrils of water threatened to suffocate him. His lungs were burning and his head was about to explode.   _No one can save me,_ he thought brokenly.   _I can’t save myself._ No matter how desperately he struggled, his body took over and he sucked in a breath, his lungs filling with briny water as his vision went black.

_Sirius whispered filthy words of encouragement mixed with sweet declarations of his love into Remus’ skin—licking, tasting, biting every inch he could reach.  He let go of Remus’ back and reached between them to take his own cock, sweat and pre-cum mixing to make it slick and heavy in his hand._

_Remus slammed into him over and over again, bending down to latch onto the soft skin at the base of his neck, sucking and biting until Sirius’ mind was lost to the sensations, his own hand trapped between them, furiously stroking himself._

“ _I’m so close,” Remus breathed into Sirius’ ear. “Come with me.”_

_Sirius felt the tension coiled low in his belly build rapidly at the words, the delicious feeling of Remus pistoning in and out of him coupled with the frenzied pull of his cock finally making it snap._

_Remus’ hips stuttered against his as he came with a visceral growl of Sirius’ name._

_Sirius’ vision went white at the edges as he came harder than he ever had in his life, a chant of “Remus, Remus, Remus!” spilling from his lips over and over again._

He gasped, coughing, his senses in turmoil as he was choking, freezing, burning, trying desperately to suck in much-needed air.  

After he finally retched up all the water in his lungs, he collapsed on the sand, struggling to breathe.  Breathe.  Breath . . . sand!  He was alive! He didn’t know how he had made it to land, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.  

He didn’t know how long he laid there, shivering, each shaky breath hurting his already aching throat all the more after his near drowning. At some point, he realised that he was crying, and he started to wipe furiously at the tears streaming down his face, his sore arms protesting each movement.  He gave up and just lay back on the gritty sand, staring up at the night sky for the first time in over a decade, sobbing, ever so grateful to whatever gods had smiled upon him this night, so bloody thankful to be alive.  Alive!

oOoOoOo

The last almost-year on the run had left Sirius on the verge of madness—almost more so than when he had been in Azkaban.  Constantly trying to evade capture and protect Harry and hunt Wormtail had been agony on both his physical and mental health, both which were greatly diminished after his long stint in prison.  

He had first caught Remus’ scent when he had sneaked into Hogwarts months before, and he had thought his mind was finally gone.  He overheard talk of "Professor Lupin" from his hiding place, and his heartbeat quickened when he realised the love of his life was nearby.  He had not been able to so much as catch a glimpse of him for fear of being caught.  If he was being honest with himself, the fear of being captured and sent back to Azkaban was less than the fear of seeing the hatred and accusations on Remus’ face.

He had survived through luck, stealth, and sheer will to exact his revenge and keep Harry safe.  As luck would have it, he was steps away from Wormtail and his goal of revenge.

If only Harry didn’t have his wand trained on him ready to kill him.

The door of the room burst open in a shower of red sparks, and Harry wheeled around, though he managed to keep his wand steady.

Sirius managed to lean up on his elbows to see who had interrupted them, and the breath was sucked right from his lungs as Remus came hurtling into the room, his face bloodless, his wand raised and ready.  His eyes flickered over Ron, lying on the floor, over Hermione, cowering next to the door, to Harry, standing there with his wand covering Sirius, and then to Sirius himself, crumpled and bleeding at Harry’s feet.  

“Expelliarmus!” Remus shouted, disarming Harry and Hermione with ease.

Time seemed to stand still.  There before him stood Remus.  The _real_ Remus. Older surely, the grey in his hair quite pronounced, more scars littering the face Sirius had dreamt about seeing again for so long, and he was certainly shabbier than he had been in their youth. But it was Remus just the same.  

Sirius’ heart lodged in his throat as his gaze met Remus’ green eyes for the first time in thirteen years.

Then Remus spoke, in a very tense voice.  “Where is he, Sirius?”

For a few seconds, Sirius couldn't move.  Remus was there, looking at him as though he didn't blame him for everything that had gone wrong in their lives.  Remus' words clicked in Sirius' mind, and he very slowly raised his empty hand and pointed straight at Ron.  

“But then . . .” Remus muttered, staring at Sirius so intently it seemed he was trying to read his mind. “Why hasn’t he shown himself before now? Unless—” His’ eyes suddenly widened. “Unless _he_ was the one. You switched? without telling me?”

Very slowly, his gaze never leaving Remus’, Sirius nodded.

Sirius could see comprehension dawn on Remus.  Horror flit across his face as he came to grips with the fact that Sirius had never betrayed him, that it was Wormtail all along. That, for all these years as Sirius had rotted in Azkaban, he had believed him to be guilty of murdering their beloved friends.  

Despite everything he had been through, Sirius hated seeing the pain and guilt flashing across Remus' face, the despair evident in his eyes.

“Professor,” Harry interrupted loudly, “What’s going on?”

Remus ignored Harry as he lowered his wand, gaze fixed as he walked to Sirius’ side. He seized his hand, pulled him to his feet, and embraced him.

Sirius choked back a sob as he felt Remus’ arms around him, clutching him tightly to his chest.  

They whispered hurried apologies and words of forgiveness into each others’ skin, knowing they had very little time but were reluctant to let this moment pass them by.  

There would be time for long explanations and offerings of forgiveness later once they had dealt with the traitor.  For now, they clung to each other for one more moment, savouring the contact that had been denied to them by suspicion, betrayal, and circumstance.  

They pulled back reluctantly, tears shining in both their eyes as they gazed at each other.  

He felt the hole that had ravaged inside him for one hundred and fifty-one moons now begin to slowly stitch together.  No matter what happened after this moment, Sirius knew that, this time at least, they had saved each other.  He saw an answering peace reflected in Remus’ amber eyes.  

oOoOoOo


End file.
